And on we travel.

We hit South Dakota, my first time ever in the upper mid west, very exciting and very cool. Let me just say that the mountains up here are beautiful, it has been really great to see all these natural beautys. It is really strange though, cause you drive and drive, and see nothing but what seems like waste lands, dry deserts, seens from movies that you never thought really existed, you wonder if there really is a town, let alone a city that even knows what theater is. We get the 10 mins from the hotel speech, and still come upon nothing that seems to be people established, and then you go over a hill, and swoosh there is a thriving little city town, (seemingly out of no where.)

The crew told us about this good restaurant in town called the firehouse grille, so as what happens in every place, the whole cast usually ends up eating there at one time or another, or all at once thru spurts of groups. We bring the business! It was actually a nice spot to eat at. The wonderful yet weird thing about performing in Rapid Falls, SD, was that both are shows were at 7pm. So we got out at like 945pm which is just bizarre for us to have so much evening time left. We went to hangout at the pub on the corner, and everyone was pretty blasted and was ready to go home, and it wasn't even midnight! Ha! Of course not me,but Mikey did by a shot for everyone, well we basically brought the business to this bar, we had 22 people there from Cast,crew, and pit. and then there was this little table of 4. I did have a sip of the shot, and gave the rest back to Mikey, (he likes getting drunk).

The absolute cool thing was the next morning,oh wait, so I went jogging around this park that was next to the theater, and was aways from the hotel, and was coming up upon this little bridge, and saw there was people hanging out under it. "Uh Oh, why are they under a bridge, here we go, delinquents." So I run in and it's a bunch of spanish guys, and as I run some start getting up as if they were running with me, in front and behind. I had my ipod on,Though it wasn't working cause the batteries were dead, but I just acted like I couldn't hear them. I have to admit I was pretty alert, and tense, and ready to sprint. But I'm alright.

SO anyway, Rob, our bus driver being so cool, decided to take anybody who wanted to go, to Mt RUSHMORE! It was Fantastik!!!! I am the first person in my family to have ever been this far west, and to see the glory that is RUSHMORE! It was truly amazing, breath taking, and patriotic. A couple of us took the presidential path to the highest view point. When we got there we took our pictures, and they left....I couldn't. I just sat down on the one side of the fence and just gazed up at these monumental men. I don't know what it was, but it just hit me, freedom, sacrifice, honor, and an over whelming sense of humility. For some reason I have always been a very home team oriented, patriotic person. After I left that spot and walked further down the trail, down the hill, I found this big rock that was off the trail, that jetted out over the mountain. well of course I had to ran out and sit on it. Well As soon as I got out there and peered out The wind started blowing and God told me HE loves me, and let's just say the whole was way emotional, and I was crying. Blah blah blah, say what you want, I needed to cry.and it felt good! Want to know something really funny, well in the gift shop they sell chocolate bars somehow represented of each president. George Washington, milk chocolate, Thomas Jefferson, milk chocolate with rice crispies, Roosevelt, milk chocolate with almonds, and you guessed it, Good ole Abe Lincoln, DARK CHOCOLATE BABY!! Better believe it! I'd be no where without that man!

The shows felt good, I haven't felt that good with my voice since rehearsals back in NYC, so if you're prayin for my voice out there, keep it up!!!

The Cheyenne Gift

I have been looking forward to Performing in Cheyenne, Wyoming ever since we started tour. My Best Friend Jon Elliott and his wife Betsy were planning to attend cause it was the closest place to him since he is in Grad school in CO. So my hearts excitement to see them totally took over any other feelings good or bad.

There's been some new Activities going for me now. Ever since we got the new bus driver and bus, I have been helping load and unload the bus. Our new driver ,Rob, is totes awesome!(that stands for totally, it has entered into our tour lingo slang), but he is an older gentlemen, who came out of semi retirement to drive us around, who's had alot of surgeries so we wanted to help him out. Well I was the first one the next morning to help him, so now I am contracted to help him, it's in my check and everything. Oh, and I got company covered lunch every couple weeks.

Now my original plan was to get Jon and Bets, a room in our hotel so we could just hang out all night and not worry about getting them back home, but When I was in Co Springs, Jon called me and told me there was a surprise for me in Cheyenne, that was going to conflict with the room. But HE was also persistent in asking me if I was actually in Co springs that very moment. Well turns out the surprise was to bring my other best friend Jon Channell to see me after the show, but they didn't realize Channell, and his wife Joy would be there at the same time as me, so they decided to just surprise me there in stead( i.e. the post before this).

Now Jon Elliott and I had this elaborate plan to get tickets so that Channell and Joy could see the show too, So I ended up having to write all these weird request for tickets to be held, on split cards and some junk. Well I went outside to greet them after sound check, and they told me the tickets had all been comped! Well my Company Manager said it was a gift for being such a great helper with the luggage! Praise God!!!! So we all just felt amazingly blessed.

Now Of course I had to put on a bomb show cause my friends were here, But let me just tell you dancing in High altitude when you're not used to it is the most absolute hardest thing. I didn't feel it to we had to do the dance number, and I was trying to warm up, and Man I was getting so winded just swinging my legs back and forth. I felt like I had the worst show I've ever had when it comes to my energy level, and feeling like I was about to pass out. Especially since I had to work my face out for my friends and try to look as fierce as possible. Well we went out afterwards, and they told me they loved the show anyway, which I was absolutely thrilled at. It was absolutely fantastic having 2 of my closest best friends with me, and able to see what I'm doing. It was a great source of validation, and just a great time of strengthening our relationships. Oh and I got to give Channell his birthday present face to face which was great. They totally loved me the way I always want to be loved, by planning and sacrificing, and surprising. The stuff I feel like I do more often for people then they do for me, so it was a real special moment in my life. I love them dearly. Heck I even chased after the car when they left!

The blessings kept coming, the crew bus broke down, and our driver went and picked them up, and took them to Casper our next stop, and then had to come back and pick us up, and take us there. So we ended up having the whole morning to ourselves. I had a fabulous breakfast with
James, and then Kari, Cameron, and I got to go to church! Awesome, I haven't been able to go to church since rehearsal in NYC. In fact I think maybe 3/5ths of the cast either went to mass or church, it was great for us. It was very nice to be in that kind of welcoming atmosphere again.

We ended up having to drive straight to the theater in Casper, which made the whole day feel shorter, the show was crazy, of course because of the sound. We were in an arena again, so we had space out the wazoo again, but means we couldn't fly anything in at all, including the video projection, which is like a key part of our show, in any event, it just ment Mikey was really bored cause he had nothing to do. So he played with my props, as I was on stage, I looked back and half my rope which I had coiled on stage, was gone and under the back curtain. I knew who it was immediately, for He is always messing with me right before I have to go out on stage. Anyway another standing O.

And after I put all the bags back on the bus that people weren't using, the Company manger(Brad) gives me my room key and says, if you want your own room, you got it. Another gift, Kingsize bed, Thank you God!

Colorado Healing

Ever since we arrived here in Colorado Springs, the whole atmosphere of the cast has been different. Malia says since we're all so much alike, when one or a couple of people might be down, the whole cast pretty much is. But everyone is saying how being in this place has just been so uplifting, and so needed for our indivisual spritual welfare. I was walking yesterday to the mall across the street, with the Rocky mountains on one side of me, and the sun shining down as glorious as it could, and I was jut overwhelmed with a sence of warmth and assurance that things will be ok. Now I knew that I was excited for saturday, cause I get to see 2 of my closest friends, and that I was going to be able to spend some time with A wonderful man, who is a mentor, guide, and counselor to me, here in CO Springs, but there was just something else that was touching my heart.

I have been here only once before my sophomore year at Penn State, when we road tripped here for spring break with my fellowship group. So maybe that's why I was feeling so good, cause every memory of CO is a great one: Coming here with Navs, Going to Eric's wedding, making friends at Eric's wedding, Going to Kyle's wedding in Aspen, Hangin with Jay in Denver. Colorado has just been good to me. One glorious thing about here that I remembered was going to the national park Garden of the Gods.

We performed at the Pikes Peak Center, the premiere place here to perform at. And let me just tell you this place was huge! and it seemed the first night it was sold out, for even the highest balconies were packed, but we found out tonight that it wasn't cause tonight was! Which was just amazing, and it was great cause we got standing Os from these huge houses. It was really fantastik too, cause this is the home town of my roomate Trip!, He had literally a gaggle of people to see him at each show. The only thing that has sucked for us while being here, is the not being used to this elevation, we noticed it in Pueblo, Co, after our dance number, and we all got off the stage extremely winded, and all feeling incredibly heavy. SO we have been trying to adjust as much as we can to breathe better, also since it is so dry here, it has been harder to stay ont top of our voices. God still blessed the shows though.

Since Trip had an ocean of people here to see him, they were all blocking one side of the stairs outside the door, so there was no way but the left to get to the bus, well as I walk to the left, and looked up, There stands Jon Channell,One of my closest friends! and his wife Joy! Just Chillin! It was such a huge surprise, I screamed something, I really don't remember what I said, but I said it in a really really, well really high pitched voice. Oh and I also called him a fart knocker. Apparently my friends Jon and Betsy were planning on surprising me by having them be with them on Saturday when I see them, but overlooked the fact that they would be in Co springs with me at the same time! So there gift to me came 2 days early, Which was absolutely wonderful for me.I love this Kid! I was a groomsmen and sang in his wedding. Once in college we were at this retreat, and I was having a bad time so I got prayed for, and he just ended up hugging me every 10 mins for the rest of the night, just to keep checking in. ( He knows physical touch is my love language, He's the only one who picks me up and suizzes me to death when he hugs me.). In fact he knows me pretty well, down to my bad eating habits for dancing, and the phrases I'll shout when surprised. I absolutely love this guy. So after the show we went to Dennys which by the way I had a great sandwhich( chicken ranch melt), and had a greta time being in each others pressence. Those 2 were actually in town for a couples convention with their job. God knew it was exactly what I needed to regenerate.

The other awesome thing was the next day I got to go to Garden of The Gods again!We had an absolute glorious(word of the day), time! There were 8 of us who rented a mini van, and drove out to it, it was actually not to far from our hotel. It seemed like it effected me even more than the first time. It was just breath taking, and quieting, which is hard to do for a bunch of professional singing performers. Well and I have to admit, after the intial shock, there is the swells of awe and excitement which of course makes us want to break out in song and dance again, so there was singing later on as we were walking. It was just the right group of people to go with, nice easy, relaxing, and peaceful. we were all saying how this is exactly what we needed, that our souls needed to be in a beautiful place, and they were.

SO after that wonderful adventure, later on I was able to meet with my spiritual daddy Vic. He works as the head of the prayer ministry for the national collegiate ministry known as Navigators, which is the group I went to in college. He's actually Jason Blacks dad, that's how I met him. Jason was the friend I got to hang out with in Jackson, MS, (check out the posting titled, the beautiful black girls!) So Vic was able to find time out of his incredibly busy schedule to hangout, so he met me in the lobby of the hotel, and we headed to to famous talk spot, Starbucks, which by the way I hate. I got a pumpkin spice, with extra spice, chai, I guess it was good. I Love this man as well, He is full of so much wisdom, and knowledge, and compassion, and a desire to know God more. Oh and he is fiercely in love with his family! He infact is what I set the standard to, of what a family should be like. It was great to bounce all the stuff that's been going on in my head and heart to him, and just be heard. and have him speak into my life. He basically set me straight again, Told me that I don't have to try so hard, and gave me a book to read, something we can go thru together. Glorious humane connection!

by the way, My show that night was off the hizzil!

No one ever knows the life and full circus that goes on behind the curtains, or backstage. They are always just amazed at the spectacle that we present to them, never knowing how hard it is to make it look magical. This show is of course no different. And we would be no where without our crew.

There are 7 integral elements that come together to make our show happen, and there all headed as followed: Master Carpenter, Master Electrician,Props Master, Lead Spot/asst lights, Head Fly rail/asst carpenter, Wig supervisor, Wardrobe Supervisor.

Andrew is our Master Carpenter. He is in charge of the mechanisms that we have on the stage, and basically every thing that comes on the stage that is a set piece, Like stair cases, and moving units with revolving doors, and set pieces that get moved on by the local crews we hire.

The Other person who is on the stage with us and has direct contact with the cast and the crew on stage at the same time is the Props Master, Melissa. She is in charge of every single thing that we take on stage. All those little things, like cigarettes, and hankies, and billy clubs, and signs, and candles and torches, and my big rope, and so on and so forth, you pick up what I'm throwin down. She also helps with the moving set pieces on stage, but she deals with the ones that are stage right, while Andrew is stage left. She also makes sure the beds are made right, and has the proper items on them, and on us. we have 2 huge prop boxes on stage, in the wings on both sides that hold everything we need, so that when it's that scene, we just go grab what we need right before we get on stage and can just drop it off when we're done.

Now this show has alot of things that are flown in, which means that they come down from the ceiling. Alot of banners, for different scenes, and one of the most important entities of the show, our video screen. Most of the show is accompanied by video of Evita's actual life, or pictures of the era, or people we're portraying. So we Have Mikey, our fly guy who is in charge of these features, and oversees the local crews during the shows, tells them when to fly things in, which in tales pulling lots of rope. They have to know exactly where to stop, and follow there marks cause if not things fall on stage on us the actors. Mikey has already hurt himself running and stopping a rail that was coming to far in on stage from an aware crew guy. We love Mikey( he's also the big physical flirt).

The person who is in charge of the video projections and pictures that show on the screen is Ryan the Master electrician. He is also in charge of pushing all the buttons that make every single light clue happen on stage, and this show has I think over 300 hundred different light clues. so without him we're sunk. Most times He is out in the house, but if the signals aren't working from there he has to be on stage in some dark corner somewhere. He's our Big Teddy Bear.

One of the best things about our show, is our Head spot operator Trish, She is only 22 or 3, and she takes charge of all these big ole gruff and ugly tech guys and tells them where to hang lights, and totally cracks the whip, and shes like 5'5" or something. She's cute as all get out, and looks like this little girlie girl, and shocks all the local crewman.

EVita has I think 5 different wigs in this show, and changes costumes for every single scene, even if she is on stage for the next scene, some times she just changes right on stage as choreography for the song she's singing. Because of this she has her own dresser, who also is the wig master of course, who is played by the lovely Sara.

Now everybody plays like 5 or 14 different people in this show, and just like Eva, we all have different costumes for every scene. I alone have 7 different costumes. And there is only one scene that I don't where a hat. So because of all the clothes we all have to wear, we get Scott, head of wardrobe, and fixer of split pants( I don't think I told you that I totally split my pants one night right down the middle of my butt, I was landing after doing some turns, and it ripped straight up my but, I mean the whole thing was just showing to everybody on stage, I had to run off, not finish the number and change pants, hahahaha, it was awesome) but I digress. Scotty is also in charge of training our dressers for us at each venue. He does not have it easy cause some times and I quote from my director we have dressers" who aren't worth the space they take up". And I have to admit I have had some bad dressers, and I have a super easy track.

We Love our crew, but we don't get to spend much quality time with them, for they schedule is as follows, get to the Venue, 745am set up load in, train locals, all day have maybe a dinner break, do the show with us, take down and load out the show, get on there sleeper bus, drive to the next venue, and... 745am set up....etc.ect.ect. Only on days where we have 2 shows at one place do they get to be in the hotel with us for one night, and we can hang out with them. Like tomorrow in CO Springs. I love the crew, they're awesome!!

A little life

As I sit here in my hotel room in Ft Smith Arkansas, pondering over the events of the day, I can only Thank God for how he has kept me in his care thruout my life. Just thinking about how we're all just ordinary people, with real problems, and difficult situations. We're all vulnerable, hurting, needing validation, broken, wanting love, fragile people.

There's been alot of people emoting, and human connection going on for me today.

IT all started when Andrew and I had lunch. I made a comment that Rocketed Him into a really angry state defense mode. I felt like it came from no where, cause what I was saying had no intensity behind it, We ended up in a real heated conversation about how we felt. My first inclination was to just leave, felt like I didn;t deserve what he was giving me, but God is helping me to learn patience, and strength, so I was able to apologize for offending him, and here himm out. Now let me say it was sooo hard. I felt unwrongfully accussed, but I had to admit to him I offended, and hurt him, which was just so heart wrenching for me. The most important thing I had to do, was not get angry back, not rise to his level, but to stay calm, and rationally talk it out, to be passionate, but direct, and think and use the right words. OH! it was just so hard, and so intense, I guess I felt it hurt to take all of it, like a bashing, but not aloud to defend, or retaliate myself. But we got thru it, together, awesome right. We actually diffused the situation, figured out where the emotion was coming from, and hear the heart of the issue. We left feeling closer to each other, and knowing more about each other. Though we both felt like there was this funky tight knot in our stomachs, we knew our relationship was stronger.

So there was anger, hurt, confusion, frustration, and we were in a restaraunt so there was embarassment.

Then we arrived at our hotel here, and saw that there was another bus like ours parked out front, hmm must be another tour we thought. We had a meeting right when we settled in, We got a new bus driver, and new bus, and the old bus driver was being terminated as the meeting was happening. ughh!, Now My stomach was turning again. My room is overlooking the parking lot where both buses were, and just seeing the bus driver preparing the bus to leave was heart wrenching to the pit of my gut. Even worse we had a time frame of when we had to switch our stuff from the old to the new bus. So now my pains of grief, were followed by more feelings of embarassment, and some fear of facing him, and just weird uneasiness, and sadness, with sympathy and compassion.

This of course is all being accompanied by the weather which greeted us here in Arkansas, or dreay gray clouds, and constant rain. The earth itself knew what the day held for me. The only good things about the day was the theatre is actually connected to the hotel so we didn't have to walk outside at all, and we were able to eat the crew's left over dinner. But after that I found out some news that is so detrimental that I can't even talk about it. So again feeling bad, uninformed, hurt from the lack of communication, and worried about what's going to happen.

Well the show was fine, standing o yadah yadah,

We decided to go out, it's been a rough day for alot of us, so we found this alternative bar that we could all go to. I ended up talking this 40yr old man, who has 2 sons, is not married, and the only people who knew he was gay were the people in the bar. He's from some small town in texas, and was passing thru on business, and has once or twice before. He didn't even know he had his eldest son til the kid was 18, and had his own son. Gees louise, this poor man had not even one close friend who knew him so intimately that he could freely talk about the issues he has to deal with, and the emotions, and lonliness, and pain he feels. He was telling me about the fear he had about his family and people in his life finding out this about him, and how so many people in these small towns live this life of hidden truth, and false relationships, uh it just killed me. Then there was this male/female couple who had both broken up with their same sex partners to be with each other, but how they both had 3 kids, well the woman has 3, and the man has 2 that are definite and 2 he's not sure about. I asked them if they were involved in their lives, and it was a kind of yes and no answer, but they both admitted how sad they were about the situation.

PHEEEWWWWW, what a day! Ok everybody, we've all got some pretty hard things going on in our lives, some crazy things that we can't control, weird things that are consequences of others, relationships gone awry, and just different life situations. Since we're all humans and have to face this stuff, let's just love....please?

overlapping circles

Well today was a pretty rough day.

We had a 630am eastern call and we didn't get to our hotel until 5pm central time, here in Tupelo Misssissippi,( the birth place of Elvis Preseley). So we were expecting a real long day. These kind of travel days, we don't plan on doing much but sleeping the day away. The way it works is, we have to stop every 2hrs for 15 mins, and every 4 hrs for an hour, (union rules for the band). Not too many people on the bus are happy with the driver, they feel he is brake happy, and loves the noise of the brumble patches on the sides of the roads, cause we sure do do both of those alot. It really shows who has patience, and who doesn't, it's amazing what little things become little tests in a situatiion like tour, to show what kind of character you have. We all have things to work on, but I'm surprised how many of the cast still have to work on patience, consideration, and self control, and maybe an edit or even as far as a mute button for their mouths. (little side note we left a person at a rest stop and had to go back and get him, wasn't long, but poor BJ has to pay overtime to the band, since they're union)

So as that being my opening statement, you can probably tell that this is going to be more of an emotional letter to ya. The past 2 nites for me have been rough. You get to that point where you just aren't going to compromise who you are anymore, and not put up with all the negative crap that goes on. I knew we were going to have a bad show last night, cause the attitude, and yelling that was going on in our dressing room was hurrendous. I had to just put my Ipod on and listen to my gospel music to combat their voices, and what they were saying. So the bad energy given off from everyone put me in a mood, and my energy level was definitely down. whatever we still got a standing o, but you could tell the didn't want to give it to us, and we just wanted to get out of there. Anyway, As I've said before Chris and I have the very humble pleasure of having the absolute back seat of the bus, yup right next to the bathroom. So that makes my bed space the floor area right infront of the bathroom. I don't usually get good sleep, why, well you remember how I said people need to learn consideration, well since I have to lay on the floor infront of the bathroom to stretch out, I feel when people want to go to the bathroom, by the slamming of the door on my thigh. It's an absolute wonderful way to be woken up, especially when you finally get to a deep sleep. I'm am not complaining, I have figured out a way to remedythe situation. none the less I did not get off the bus in a wonderful to be here, la de dah, happy go lucky cinderella mood.

but, whatever, I'm on tour....right??

Well the plan was to take some time, work out, or do whatever, and meet about 7ish to go eat at OutBack Steakhouse, way over everyone's budget but hey, we have to treat ourselves every now and then, especially after long days like these. So I ended up missing the train over, which at first made me want to feel sad and lonely, but I found some of the crew to walk with, and let me just say These folks who live an even rougher life, and who I only see in all black clothes, backstage( the next blog about them), Looked good and Hot tonight!, So I was happy to walk in with them. We got there and were greeted with great elation, always good to walk in with a hot lookin Mama. Well the mood was great and got better, there was a whole bunch of us there, and we were loud and rambunctious, and our waiter was this handsome young guy, who decided to join in on the fun, joked with us, showed us some magic tricks, really encouraged us to have the best time we could. The funny thing is we were loud and roudy like we were drunk, but it's sunday in the south, even outback wasn't serving alcohol!! So it was good clean fun. The waiter's name was Kevin, aka Turbo, and He was full of fun stories, accept for the little info he gave us about how this town we're in had a KKK meeting just last night. Thank God we leave early tomorrow morning.

SO I'm alright, oh probably the biggest thing that helped make it all better, is the fact that before I got ready to go out tonight, I bought the ACROSS THE UNIVERSE SOUNDTRACK. And have been listening to it since, including right now! It's wonderful, go see this movie, and feel better, remember love is all you need, and you know what, I do have real people who love me.